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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Bedtime Story

It's 0018 hours. I usually had dozed off at this time. Yeah. Seriously. Julian was always mad at me for hitting the bed at this time. So does Azera. "Tak remaja," she claimed.

I was once nocturnal. But i changed my style. I used to be afraid of dreaming. Dreams that i dont want to be dreaming. Ever. Waking up to a bad dream is the real nightmare to me. I would wake up having tears running down my eyes after a bad dream. But it was only a dream. I wouldnt want to believe a bad dream. Thats why i have no trouble sleeping anymore. Dreams are just dreams. It's all in your head. You control it.

So I chose to control it.

I read once that your dream reflects the things that you think about the minutes before you doze off. It does makes sense.

The things i fear most about someone, it happened in my dreams. Because, i kept thinking about it. It wouldnt slip in my dreams if i dont think about it.

For once, I want to be able to think about myself. Nobody else but me. Yeah, selfish you must say. So what? I'm done taking care of other people's heart. When all you get in return is... nothing but hatred.

I didnt ask to be repaid. I just want to be remembered. For my good deed. I want to be appreciated as someone with a warm heart. That's all. At the very least. Is that too much to ask?

Only God know how i feel. Sometimes, words cant describe this feeling i have inside. The voice within. I dont know how people would want to take the short-cut to end their sufferings, but being a Muslim, I believe God has more things coming my way, and everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's just a message that i need to figure out, before it's too late.

But then again, it's all written in my book of life. I'm just praying for the best.

Okay, enough with the heart-spilling already. Need to hit the sack. Cant wait to see Nurin in the morning. It's her final week here, so every minute is precious. I hate the fact that she's leaving.She's definitely a mood lifter.

Nite people.

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