"Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work..."

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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The weekly recap

It was Abah's 54th Birthday last 26th. We surprised him with a birthday cake at 0001 hours. It's sad Nurin's not here to sing along her favorite 'Happy U'.

Abah was all sleepy and so was Mama. We distracted Abah by asking him to join us watch a movie on HBO.

He was surprised indeed. I wanted to post the pics here but Abah insisted that I rather not. 'I wasnt dressed for the surprise'. (It's a surprise, Abah. you wouldnt know it) Apparently he was in his favorite pagoda t-shirt and kain pelikat. So i posted this image instead, when we had dinner on the weekend Nurin's scheduled to leave.

Oh yeahh and finally, I got a job offer. Not exactly the ideal career, but i need to start somewhere. Gain some knowledges, and experiences, and later find a better job. Well it's the perfect job if programming is my thing. but programmings give me headache so i prefer to work with planning and management teams instead.

Abah said to me twice, "Are you up for this challenge?," and later added, " You know it's ok if you dont want to work there. You can always decline and i'm sure there are more for you,"

Actually, I dont mind taking up the challenge. I know i'll be dead tired by the end of the day, but if the job requires me to be active, why shouldn't i be? Plus it's a very good training for me. The only thing that i dragged about is the fact that i have to work on Saturday, but thinking back, it's a half day, plus i get to wander around at Suria after work. The only restriction is, having to wake up early on Saturday.

I'm sick of Petronas. I think they should change their recruitment method. And i hope i get offered by Murphy Oil. $$$ is way better than what Petronas can offer. Sick. And iPerintis too. Whats really slowing things down is that they require technical people, when i've requested to be with the management and planning team instead. No openings for me, yet. Sick.

Saturday is my convocation.

But my robe is hell huge and it didnt fit me to a tee. damn i look like those wizards in harry potter. And the mortar board is slightly bigger. Guess i have to pin it down to my head so it wont move when i have to bow. I had my graduation costume ready, already. Except that i'll be donning green when my robe is blue, so i'll be looking like a clown, but what the heck. I just need to hunt for the perfect pumps to go with it. i'm not sure how high i want it to be. i'd probably go for the 2 inches high. Just to make sure that i look tall and that will eventually camouflage the big robe. Owh yeah dont forget to get scholl's party feet!

I hope they'll throw a Graduation Party later on in the night. I seriously need to socialize.

Cant wait to start my career as an IT engineer!

Monday, August 21, 2006

The day the house became quiet, again

My little Muhammad Zahirul Naufal

it's monday. the house is very quiet. something's missing. No. Someone's missing. Make that two. Nurin and Naufal. Yes. Nurin and Naufal had left for Terengganu, leaving me in tears and sorrow.

No more "Alang, alang," when i was out of her sight . No more "Ape ni?," when she saw something on tv . No more "Sampai umah Opah yea yea," when we got home from somewhere or " Ami balik dah yea yea," when mimie came home from work. No more " Nape dik?," when Naufal cried. No more "Ane pah?," when mama asked her to get something.

No more that little voice that i looked forward to hearing everyday, for the past four weeks.

I wept on the day she left. Not that i wont be able to see her again. it's that i feel sorry for her. And Along. The way we treated Nurin was wayy different from the treatment she got in Terengganu. What ever she wanted, we listened. Who's gonna sing to her "Buai Aju-Aju"? and her favorite Happy You? or Lompat si katak lompat? and who's gonna catch her when she jumps off the table? Who's gonna bawak her mandi kolam?. Her MakYah is too old to play with her, let alone to listen to Nurin's every need. I heard myself when Nurin was scolded for throwing her food on the floor. But here, we let Nurin play with anything. and everything. (with guidance of course.)

She's been my shadow, for following me around. Jemur kain pon nak ikut. (One day I had to tiptoe into the kitchen so she wouldnt hear me. but she did. and when i hid behind the kitchen door, she managed to find me.)

My parrot, for copying everything i say and do. I called Abah to makan, she copied and went, " Abah, Akannnn!,".

My little helper. Bila malas nak amik something, i'll ask Nurin to get it for me. Benda senang-senang la, like naufal's feeding bottle, the key, and suruh Nurin kutip her toys. She's very rajin to help! Bagus... Oh yea, she likes to buang sampah.

Nurin likes to play with the tap. I remembered one day, when i was doing the dishes, She came to me, wanting to wash her hands. I picked her up and she played with the water sampai basah baju. So i asked Along to change her outift, and i continued with the dishes. Nurin came back, and she wanted to wash her hands again. I told her that she'd just washed her hands. Dissapointed, she left. And came back with Naufal's empty bottle and said she wanted to wash it. A bright girl. Finding a reason to play with water.

Another funny story. I went in Mama's room to get her credit card. I checked where Nurin was. ( She likes to play with Mama's cream so I didnt want her to follow me in) She was quite far from me, distracted by the advert on TV. So i sneaked in quietly, get the card, and left the room, closing the door behind me. That's when i realised Nurin was not in front of the Tv anymore. I called her name, and i heard a little voice calling my name. And guess where it came from. Yes. Mama's room. I left her in there. When i didnt even realise that she followed me in! I opened the door, and there she was, giggling at me.

Nurin cant stand the sight of me taking a nap on the couch. She would take her toys and put on my tummy and play with them, yup on my tummy. Her truck went on me once. Oh yea when i almost dozed off, she'd scream at me saying she wanted to mandi kolam. Even when i was taking the shower, (i dont quick shower, that is) she'd call my name from outside my bathroom door and waited until i come out. Kesian dia.

That's when i knew instantly that i am her best friend. Ever.

One day she slept too early ( at 8.30pm) that she woke up at 1 am, and Along couldnt make her go to bed again. Naufal was awake too, wanting to be fed.Luckily all three of us, Mimie, Uyuun and myself hadnt sleep yet, so we took turns to play with Nurin. I played with her the most coz Mimie had to work in the morning. I was eating Super ring and she ate some as well (Abis la kalau papa dia tau kene marah). We played until i couldnt bear to keep my eyes open. at 3 am. She played with the keys, remote control, playing like it was noon. i almost dozed off on the couch when Nurin came to me with the TV's remote control. She had pressed the video button. One moment she stood still. i knew she was sleepy. I was relieved. (What do you expect? It was close to 4am for goodness' sake).

One day before they left, I lost my magic touch. ( I have this magic touch that can make Naufal sleep. it's the way i rock him to sleep) I couldnt rock Naufal to sleep. He would cry and scream out loud. Along couldnt rock Naufal because Nurin hasnt sleep yet. Along had to tidurkan Nurin first, then baru boleh tidur kan Naufal. Usually i would tidurkan Naufal but that night, i couldnt. So Along had to take Naufal. And i had to tidurkan Nurin. Tough job. I had to make her baring, and keep her baring. So i went asking her to count how many sheep there was on her pillow, and count her fingers and toes. Sing to her favorite lullabies (not exactly lullabies la but the rhymes that she likes) I had to repeat the rhymes as many times as she asked. I told Nurin her favorite bedtime story, Mama's make-believe 'Kambing jumpa Lembu'. There were so many version of it that Along had her version,Mimie had hers, and i created my version. And later, she slept.

I learned that on the day she got to Terengganu, she was quiet. She didnt talk to anyone but Mama, Abah and Along. All her cousins came to her and hugged her. But she didnt react to any of them. Maybe she was confused, why she was back there. What happened to umah Opah. She didnt even react to her Makyah's calling. Maybe she's wondering, where's her truck? and Her bola, and Kolam? Bilik Opah? Bilik Alang? Bilik Mama? Bilik Angah?

Oh God i miss Nurin SOOOO much.

Along texted me the other day. Nurin asked her mama for 'Alang'. Along had to lie to her, and told her "Alang pegi keje,". I wept in front of Ilyas coz i couldnt hold it back.

I have yet to sing to Nurin on the phone. I will do that one day, let's just hope i wont sebak. It was very hard to bond with Nurin previously. She was too attached to the other side of the family. Now that we had built this bond, i hope she wont forget me, US.

After all, who would she does all the fun stuff with, if not her Auntie Mimie, Auntie Uyuun and especially her Auntie Alang?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Bedtime Story

It's 0018 hours. I usually had dozed off at this time. Yeah. Seriously. Julian was always mad at me for hitting the bed at this time. So does Azera. "Tak remaja," she claimed.

I was once nocturnal. But i changed my style. I used to be afraid of dreaming. Dreams that i dont want to be dreaming. Ever. Waking up to a bad dream is the real nightmare to me. I would wake up having tears running down my eyes after a bad dream. But it was only a dream. I wouldnt want to believe a bad dream. Thats why i have no trouble sleeping anymore. Dreams are just dreams. It's all in your head. You control it.

So I chose to control it.

I read once that your dream reflects the things that you think about the minutes before you doze off. It does makes sense.

The things i fear most about someone, it happened in my dreams. Because, i kept thinking about it. It wouldnt slip in my dreams if i dont think about it.

For once, I want to be able to think about myself. Nobody else but me. Yeah, selfish you must say. So what? I'm done taking care of other people's heart. When all you get in return is... nothing but hatred.

I didnt ask to be repaid. I just want to be remembered. For my good deed. I want to be appreciated as someone with a warm heart. That's all. At the very least. Is that too much to ask?

Only God know how i feel. Sometimes, words cant describe this feeling i have inside. The voice within. I dont know how people would want to take the short-cut to end their sufferings, but being a Muslim, I believe God has more things coming my way, and everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's just a message that i need to figure out, before it's too late.

But then again, it's all written in my book of life. I'm just praying for the best.

Okay, enough with the heart-spilling already. Need to hit the sack. Cant wait to see Nurin in the morning. It's her final week here, so every minute is precious. I hate the fact that she's leaving.She's definitely a mood lifter.

Nite people.

Friday, August 11, 2006

The inside of me

It's way past my usual bedtime but caffeine kept me wide awake. plus this mind of mine wonders about so many things..

Anyway, I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend, discussing nothing-serious matter with him;

Why cant we have things come our way, the exact way we want it to be? Why do we need to work our way through? They say you can do anything if you put your mind into it. Well, i did put my mind into it, but that doesnt help, either!

Is it really true that if you're the daughter/son of a somebody, you can get anything you want by the snap of your fingers? Oh yeah if you're one spoilt brat. Cause i know a friend who is somebody's daughter, yet she doesnt brag about what cool stuff/gadgets she get. But still i'm sure it wasnt hard for her to talk her dad into buying stuff for her.

Back to our discussion.

About work. Away from home. Just me. Alone. New things. New place to stay. New community.

I've always wanted to be away from home. Distractions are too close to home. I need to run away. But thinking about staying far far away from home, is indeed creepy. And very very challenging.

But i needed that change.

What happened to Norul Ushna who told her two interviewers that she can adapt to any given situation?

I dont take risks, unless i really need to. Sometimes, I dont get quite as far as where i wanted. I wasnt independent, until recently. I wasnt tough, until recently. I'm sick and tired of doing things out of desperation. I seriously dont want to regret my whole life by doing the things that i dont favor in life.

They say, if you're really up for something, and very determined, taking risks are not a problem for you. And thats who i want to be, a risk taker. i want to be able to do things. If there's a line, i want to be first in line.

Which before i'm not.

The cry-baby, sensitive. Dependent. Scaredy Cat. And i dont believe in myself, period.

But i'm beginning to face my fears. Fear factor. The fear of not being loved, the fear of.. ohh so many things. And those small little things that i couldn't do, i can do it now.

One thing's for sure, i'll keep setting the bar higher and higher. And i don't have to apologize, for being my true self.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

The Voice Within..

we dont freaking care

I love doing new things, even if i'm not good at them. So what if i'm not perfect? I always give my best shot and i'm not afraid of failing because i know i'll always bounce back to try again. And that's why i think our story will never quite be finished. The rest is up to you, really.

Friday, August 4, 2006

The busy bee

Havent blogged for such a long time... i've been busy these few days. Handling Nurin Zahirah Husna,being the honorable family's driver, and such. (yeah..am still unemployed). I wouldn't have time to blog, especially when i'm the only one at home with the kudrat to handle Nurin Zahirah Husna. Herself and those little feet. Always "ape ni","ape tu", and empat seems to be her favorite number. (Ask her how many of something, her answer will always be empat) . So since her Papa is here, I can rest la. Surely her papa wants to spend some quality time with Nurin and Naufal.

A little update of what i've been up to these days;

  • My days start as early as 0830 hours daily.
  • I bruised myself the other day sebab mengejar Nurin. To get her wear her diaper is one challenging exercise.
  • Went to catch PCD in action at Sunway Lagoon's Surf Beach. Damn Nicole is HOT! She's blazing!~
  • Had an interview with iPerintis on Friday. (Second interview in two weeks time)
  • Taught Nurin a lot of words.. (the right way to say things..she's a parrot, so she listens)
  • Became Nurin's best companion.. ( Auntie yang sangat rajin melayan )
Thats about it, i guess.. the rest, let it be my story. The story that will only be inside me, and only i know.

You know, I've been through a lot of shits in life, that i can write a book about it.I suppose life's like that, you only see what you're made of when the going gets rough.

I regretted not being able to meet a good friend when she was in town. Things kept coming my way that i can even meet her for 1 minute! This is what you call tak ada rezeki. I've been counting days for her visit, in the end, tak ada jumpa jugak. The gathering went on without me instead. How i wish dah pindah to Puncak Perdana so we'll be closer to town and mama tak risau if we balik rumah late at nite. *sigh*

I feel like i've abandoned somebody in some way. We had this beautiful relationship/friendship or what-ever-ship, yet i've been cruel to him. It's always been me, and nothing about him. Saying things he wouldn't wanna hear, talking about crap that he couldn't care less, and many more. But being the most wonderful person that he has always been, he stood by me all the way, picking up the pieces and making me happy. I owe him a lot. I miss being with him, and the time we shared.

Owh dad came home from his longggggggg trip. Nurin almost didnt recognize her Atuk when dad got home. And the house is happy again.. *smile*

Oh them hotties